A Must Read

Recently, I have started reading, The Resignation of Eve, by Jim Henderson.  I am only about a quarter of the way into the book and despite the fact that it is obviously biased (which I find extremely annoying), so far I have found it to be very thought provoking.
So, what is the book about?  It is about women resigning from church.  They either resign by leaving (such as when you leave a job), or attend, but just go through the motions (like resigning to the fact that they may never be able to serve in a way that they feel called).

Whatever your view on women in leadership may be, this book brings forth a very important point.  Namely, women are leaving the church and taking their families with them.

Here is my take on it.  Whether or not a woman can be a senior pastor, deacon, trustee, etc. can be A reason women leave the church, but it is it the most common one?  How many women do you know that are looking to add more to their plates?  I don't know about you, but another volunteer role that consumes hours of my time, doesn't really sound appealing to me.

So, why are women leaving the church?

1. Church is not meeting our needs.  We are tired, pulled in many directions, and frankly, in need of rest. I know that this isn't a good excuse, but as a fellow women, I get it when women say that they can't/don't want to volunteer.   In my theory, serving in the church leads to engagement and engagement means that people will stay.  So, men, here's what you can do to help.  Either step it up at church and take on some of the not so glamourous duties (like washing a few dishes at a potluck) OR step it up at home so your wife has more time/energy to help at church.  Each person needs to do some of the dirty work, but also some of the stuff that he or she is passionate about.  From my experience, women are often stuck with the menial tasks at church and that leads to burnout.  This is often when a woman either resigns by leaving the church, or resigns by checking out.

2. Church can be offensive and not in a "the gospel is offensive" kind of way.  I distinctly remember co-teaching with a male who told a group of high school girls that they were probably only going to stay home with kids.  Ouch.  I stay home with kids and I don't think of it as an "only" type thing.  It's a calling.  I have also worked and enjoyed a career and I have been thankful for that.  I found this comment offensive and hurtful and judging by the looks of the faces on the girls in the room it was damaging to them.  So, men, please think before you speak.  Just because you are a man does not mean that you are smart.  God created both men and women in His image.  Try to live up to that and make sure that what you are saying is in line with scripture and not just your take on the world.  I realize that some topics (such as women in leadership) are debateable, but a little sensitivity goes a long way.

3. Women are catty and we need to step it up.  Ok ladies, now it's your turn.  Please know that I am preaching to myself when I say this.  If anyone needs an attitude change in this area, it is me.  But, I think that some of these things apply to all of us.  We need to stop offending and taking offense in order to advance the gospel.  The power games, backstabbing, gossip and cliques need to stop!  Every church I have attended has them, no matter how big, small, healthy or unhealthy.  We need to set the example of what a church should look like.  What would happen if we decided that we were going to set our differences aside and seek to live a holy life?  What would happen if we bit our tongues (maybe even just once) and didn't say what we really wanted to say?  What if we spent more time in the word, less time fretting about the condition of our house, clothes, hair, etc.  What kind of change would take place in the church?  My guess is that it would become a place of grace and kindness, a place where other women wanted to be.

God has been doing a lot of work in me over the last few months.  I think it started when I had a baby girl and I realized that I would be the first example of a godly woman she would see.  What a huge task and calling!  But here's the deal.  The more I started growing, my husband started growing.  I didn't have to push or nag.  It just happened.  My goal wasn't to change him, in fact I wasn't even thinking about him.  I was thinking about me, my relationship with God and what kind of mother I wanted to be.  But, as I started working on my issues, our house became more peaceful, joyful and just flat out fun to be in. 

So, maybe I'm wrong, but if the church as a whole is anything like the prairie parsonage, once women step up to the plate and stop the games, then our church kitchens, foyers and sanctuaries will be a place where others WANT to be, not a place where they feel that the HAVE to be.  In fact, they may just be downright fun, no matter who is in leadership.